It should go without saying that most people should trust their gut when it comes to dating whether you meet the person online, offline or with friends. Unfortunately, for many people, they’re willing to ask their friends, family, stranger on a subway or the Twitterverse before they go with their own feelings.

Remember, before you ask us what we think, none of us were on the date with you to see the chemistry, the way she played with her hair, or unfortunately, the way he was checking out the waitress’s ass. You were there, and you had a visceral reaction good, bad or indifferent, but you had an opinion of how the evening went.

It’s one thing when you truly have no idea or don’t have an opinion. But I don’t want to convince you that you were reading something wrong, or that there was something there that there wasn’t. Trust yourself. You’re the one who has to go out on the second or third date.

Just have faith in yourself, if you don’t, it’s time to take a break from the dating market.

Ironic as it sounds, this is one of the biggest issues in my opinion with online dating and dating in general. Too many daters feel that they have to play a persona since for some reason who they are, isn't a good enough draw for a potential partner. Here are a couple of different scenarios in which this can play out.

The Type A woman:
Dana is a lawyer or investment banker by day, or just is generally very self confident and comfortable in her skin. She wants a relationship of equals but she’s afraid that if she acts as herself, she might scare off guys. So, for her first few dates, she dials her personality back a few notches, acts a bit more demure. Date four comes around, and the real her either sneaks out, or she decides it’s time. The guy runs screaming.
Why is this bad? 1) Some men prefer women who are self confident, self assured and such. If Dana went out with one of those guys, she wouldn’t get a second date. Why? Because she came across as a passive and demure woman, where the guy wanted someone with a bit more fire. 2) If the guy can’t handle a woman like Dana, why should Dana want him? It’s simply not a good match, and instead of figuring that out on date 1, instead they won’t figure it out until date 4 when the true Dana shows through.

The Player:
Jake assumes that women all want relationships and that women can’t be players. He decides to act like “the nice guy” figuring it’s the only way to get what he’s looking for. Sooner or later though, his real side comes out, and of course, the sparks fly, and not in a good way.
Why is this bad? 1) By being the non-player, Jake will certainly turn off any women who are looking for something a bit more casual. 2) It’s certainly not fair to the women who are looking for a solid relationship.

The Nice Guy:
How many times have you heard about John, the sweet guy, that women all want to be friends with, but who always seems to have trouble making the conversion from friend to girlfriend. So, after much chiding from his male friends (and possible some of his female friends) he’s decided to act tougher, be more of a player. Having been in his shoes for more years than I care to admit, this is not the solution.
Why is this bad? By now I’m guessing you’re sensing the trend. One way or another they’re going to figure you out. It’s doubtful that it’ll turn out well for you.

In short, I could probably come up with 7-8 other similar scenarios, but they all end the same way 90% of the time, badly. I’m not suggesting for the moment that we’re all perfect. We all have our strengths and our flaws, and elements of our personality that could use improvement. What I’m suggesting though is stay within who you are at all times. Either your date will really like the REAL you, or you’ll find out sooner rather than later that the two of you aren’t a good match.

So, unless you’re really desperate to get out of the house for the evening, be yourself! It’ll save both of you a lot of time. Just think of how badly it would suck to lose someone who wanted you for YOU because you decided that you wanted to act like someone else instead.

Dating the same way and expecting new results, Santa bought me my new laptop, and other fantasies. Seriously, by the time you’ve hit 30 (in NYC, it’s more like 25) you feel like you know what you’re doing when it comes to dating. You might not have any of the right answers, but you feel like you do, and regardless, you’re happy with what you’re doing. But somehow, it just isn’t working out. Whether you’re meeting the wrong person, going out on yet another 3rd date that you realized you shouldn’t have gone on, or just meeting no one at all, something is wrong.

Let me ask the question simply: If you roll a bowling ball 100 times and it goes into the gutter every time, you’d realize you’re doing something wrong. In fact, it probably will only take you 5 throws to realize you’re doing something wrong. So why don’t people realize it when it comes to dating.

It’s simple: Bowling doesn’t matter, dating however, is all about emotions, perception and other “fuzzy” things. Changing what you’re doing means taking some personal responsibility, and that can often feel very uncomfortable.

It’s ok to make mistakes. But this is 2010. If we’re going to make mistakes, let’s make brand new ones, and give us a chance to improve and hopefully make it a wonderful year dating-wise. Here is a top 10 list of things I’d like you to at least consider working on for 2010.

1. Be yourself (If you act like someone you’re not, you’re sabotaging yourself)
2. Trust your gut (You’ve dated enough to know when something isn’t right. When it feels wrong, get out).
3. Respect – you deserve it (If you act respectfully and appropriately, you should be treated with respect. If you aren’t, get out.)
4. Respect – you should give it (True, respect should be earned, but they’re so much respect that is just basic human kindness that should always be granted. If you can’t bother, you shouldn’t be dating.)
5. Take dating seriously (Dating is tough, especially since emotions are involved. If someone has taken the time to go out with you, give them your full attention. If you aren’t interested, let them know you’d rather not go out again.)
6. Online dating is a job, not a hobby (If you get emails, reply to them. Obviously though, if the person cuts and pastes and intro letter to you, feel free to ignore it, or even call them on it. Maybe they’ll learn to be more careful in the future.)
7. Honesty is important (We all have flaws. Someone will find your flaws endearing. But starting off a relationship with a lie is only going to blow up in your face later on. Be honest NOW.)
8. You get out what you put in (If you keep dating 5 or 6 people at a time, going out with each only 2 times a month, you’re never going to get anywhere. Focus on the best prospects, see them a few times over a few weeks, and you’ll know sooner rather than later if they’re right for you.)
9. Have fun (If you’re happy, you’ll be more attractive and approachable to those who might be interested.)
10. Take breaks (If you’re unhappy, I can almost guarantee you won’t find a good partner. If you’re feeling jaded, or assuming every date is going to be rotten, maybe it’s time for you to take some time off from dating and wait until you’re in a happier place.)

Over the coming weeks I’m going to elaborate on each of these topics and what can be done to improve your dating outlook. I look forward to your comments.