Before you start with the hate mail, this isn’t about being sexist, anti-women’s lib or anything like that.  It’s about stepping up to the plate and showing that you’re interested. I don’t actually care if you’re male, female or an alien, if you ask someone out on the date, it’s YOUR responsibility to at least make an attempt at planning a date.  Now typically, there are more men asking women out than vice versa (that’s a topic for another blog), so MEN, grow a pair, do a bit of research and plan a proper first date (or any date for that matter).

Now, I know that dinner is no longer a popular first date activity.  In fact, 99.44% of the time it’s a HORRIBLE first date activity.  But that doesn’t mean that planning goes out the window.  There are so many fantastic first date activities in every major city.  So before you decide to just drag your date to the nearest pub, how about doing a little work and make the date memorable.

Step 1: Do some research
In this day in age with tools like Citysearch, Yelp, Foursquare and yes, even Facebook, there’s no excuse that you can’t find a good place to have a first date.  Check out her profile (don’t just look at the pictures) and see if you can find some clues about what type of venue she might like. Oh, and if you REALLY can’t find something, ask a friend, you do have friends, right?  But, if you’re really going to an area that you’ve never been to, do the online research and then come clean and say “I’ve found a possible place, but I’ve never been to your neighborhood.  Is that an acceptable place, or do you have a better recommendation.” Never go in without a plan.

Step 2: Be a mensch
For those who don’t speak Yiddish, a mensch means a good person.  There are several ways to do this. One: Don’t make her travel to the end of the earth to see you.  Try to plan a date local to her (either work or home) to make it easier for her.  There are only a few exceptions: A truly one of a kind place would be an example of this. Two: Don’t TELL her where you’re going. Make it a suggestion and offer options.  “I’d love to meet up Thursday night at 9PM.  I found two places near you (insert places) that I think you might like, but I’m open to other options if you know of a better place.”

Step 3: Call to confirm
Yes, I know, you set the date up a week in advance. You even took the time to research a place, and set a definite date and time.  However, the longer you set up the date in advance, the better it is to confirm it.  It will also cut down on being stood up.  The day before, call her, or email if you have to.  Unless you’re under 25 try to avoid the texting.  Confirm the place and time and that you’re looking forward to the date.
These all seem very simple, and they should be second nature.  But unfortunately, in this fast paced world, these minimal niceties get ignored and can adversely impact a first date before it happens. Give yourself the best chance possible at a second date.

Step 4: Be on time (added on 10/28/09, courtesy of Lost Plum):

I should have added this on my own, but I'm more than happy to add it, as being late is truly a great way to make a HORRIBLE first impression.  In my mind, 5 minutes early is on time, on time is late.  As the guy, it's nice for you to be there ahead of time possibly to find seats, or just to show that this is important to you. With all of the technology these days available to you, there's no excuse to show up late baring something ridiculous (train gets stuck in the tunnel for 30 minutes).

Coming soon: What to do at the end of the date.

Special thanks to Susan for correcting my spelling on "mensch"

You’ve been in a long term relationship, but (un)fortunately it’s over now.  How do you know whether it’s time to get back into the game or not? This has been a question that’s been around almost as long as relationships have been (I’m sorry Eve, but I think I want to see other people since you got us tossed out of the garden -Adam).

As complex as relationships are, knowing when you’re ready to date is equally if not more complex.  It all boils down to one simple question though: Are you legitimately able to give your full heart, mind, soul and body to someone new?  The problem is getting a real answer to that question, and it’s not going to be easy.

Where does one even start?  If you haven’t washed the pillow that your partner slept on because you like the fact that it carries their scent, you are certainly not ready to date.  (And you probably should get a new housekeeper as well, I mean eww !) Almost everyone would agree with that.  But there are many more subtle levels to be concerned about.

- Do you avoid your favorite restaurant because it reminds you of him/her?
- Do you still believe that there’s hope that you two will reconcile?
- Do you see dating as a way to make your former partner jealous?

All of those are probably warning signs that you aren’t over your previous relationship and should probably take a step back before jumping back in. Someone once told me that you never get over your previous relationships and that they will always be baggage.  That’s true, but you can leave your bags with a valet. There’s also the question about who will carry your baggage? Will you carry it yourself, or is your new partner going to carry it for you?

Baggage is yours, and should remain yours.  Some will in fact stick with you for many years if not throughout your lifetime.  Therapy helps with some people, time helps with others, but with me, my friends have always helped me more than anything else.  A therapist will often wait for you to come up with your own conclusions, where a friend might slap you upside the head and say “What the hell were you thinking?”  Sometimes that can be all the catalyst you need to move you in the right direction.

In closing, just remember, you are the sum of all of your relationships.  It’s your choice whether to use that knowledge to truly improve your future relationships or as a crutch to prevent you from getting hurt ever again.  Life and love are about risk, without risk there can be no reward.  And having found true love myself, I know of no bigger reward in life.

Welcome to Dating Revolution!  Our site was created with one main thought in mind: bringing Power to the Daters™.  In short, dating sites have been around for a while as businesses that often exploit those looking for love through costly and inefficient sites.  Dating Revolution was created to solve many of the issues associated with online dating as a whole and to do so in a cost effective manner, enabling us to provide a value priced, user-centric dating site.

Our site will succeed by continuing to innovate, not for the sake of pure innovation, but because you, the online daters, have requested improvements that will make finding someone easier.  After all, finding love has its own challenges, your dating site should make it easier, not tougher.

Dating Revolution is currently in a FREE public beta.  Please join, and kick the tires, if you will.  But please, drop us an email, and let us know what you think.  We’re currently working on the next round of site enhancements, and we’re really excited to bring them to you.

For those of you unfamiliar with our site, we already offer some fairly unique elements, as well as some that should be a mainstay of any site.

Proactive control – Users can enter a series of filters that will only allow emails from users that they deem are good matches.  Criteria such as age, height, weight, etc., can be entered.  Properly managed, the user’s search criteria are what the member is ideally looking for, but the filtered criteria would include users from whom you’d like to receive an email.

Blocking – If you’re not interested in someone, you should be able to remove them from your search results sound you don’t have to see them again, shouldn’t you? Well, most sites don’t allow that, ours does.  We also allow you to block other users from contacting you directly from the search results screen.

Honesty – One of the primary complaints about online dating is users lying in their profiles.  We have decided to do something about it. We’ve created a beta version of a post date feedback tool that will enable users to report those who lie after going out on a date.  Your date will not know that you reported them.  After four complaints the offending user will receive an email from customer service and depending on the next steps, will either change their profile or be removed from the site.  We will also be monitoring abuse of this system, so users who maliciously report other users will be banned from Dating Revolution.

This is just the start of a site that we truly believe will return Power to the Daters.

Please feel free to send in suggestions to us at suggestions@thedatingrevolution.com.

Sincerely,

Ross Felix

Founder / Dating Revolution