One of the worst things I hear when people tell me their dating horror stories is this feeling that the person doesn’t think that they deserve respect in a relationship. It’s completely beyond me when someone doesn’t realize that they’re being treated poorly and that it’s NOT ok.

If you find your Prince Charming or your Princess, this is not something you’ll ever have to worry about. But while you’re kissing frogs, slaying dragons, or whatever other machinations you have to go through while dating – it’s great to stick up for your partner, but stick up for yourself first.

You deserve to be treated with respect. Everyone has different relationship goals, but generally speaking, respect plays a place in all of them, whether you’re after a booty call or marriage. YOU decide what it means to be treated properly, and make sure you realize, you deserve that respect and courtesy.

For example, if you’re looking for a serious relationship, getting that 3 AM text (R U Horny, Can I Cum Ova) after your second date is probably a good sign that your partner doesn’t see the relationship in the same terms that you do. If you’re open for a booty call, I’m not judging. What I am suggesting is that you ask yourself if this is respectful behavior.

I also realize that unlike me, not everyone is a planner. I always thought it was important to set up dates a few days in advance and confirm them the day before. If that’s not the way you are, that’s fine too. However, if your date calls you that day for a date (spontaneity is good) but is livid that you aren’t available, that’s very disrespectful.

Your friends aren’t there to stick up for you. You have to learn to realize that you are deserving of respect. But just remember – respect is a two way street and you do reap what you sow.

It should go without saying that most people should trust their gut when it comes to dating whether you meet the person online, offline or with friends. Unfortunately, for many people, they’re willing to ask their friends, family, stranger on a subway or the Twitterverse before they go with their own feelings.

Remember, before you ask us what we think, none of us were on the date with you to see the chemistry, the way she played with her hair, or unfortunately, the way he was checking out the waitress’s ass. You were there, and you had a visceral reaction good, bad or indifferent, but you had an opinion of how the evening went.

It’s one thing when you truly have no idea or don’t have an opinion. But I don’t want to convince you that you were reading something wrong, or that there was something there that there wasn’t. Trust yourself. You’re the one who has to go out on the second or third date.

Just have faith in yourself, if you don’t, it’s time to take a break from the dating market.

I’ve been talking with a lot of women lately, both friends and people asking me advice via my blog or twitter. One of the common issues seems to be that guys don’t always treat women with respect when early (or even not so early) in the dating process.
Even though it’s the man’s fault if he doesn’t treat you with respect, there are things you can definitely do to set yourself up to get the respect that you truly deserve. The hard part though is that it starts with respecting yourself, your ideals and your needs. Here’s a top ten list designed to help guide you in the right direction.

1. Stop acting like he’s doing you a favor by going out with you. If you think so little of yourself, it’s guaranteed that he’ll think just as little of you.
2. If he’s over 25, make him call you to set up the date. I don’t care if you hash out of the details through text or email (although not preferable) but he should at least call to ask you out like a gentleman for the next date.
3. True, you should be allowed to dress any way you want, but if you dress trashy the guy is going to assume that the trashiness is more than just an outfit.
4. If you sleep with him on the first date, there’s a good chance you’ll get a booty call, but not a second date.
5. If you let him pawn planning the date off of you, you will always get stuck planning the dates throughout the entire relationship.
6. Your life is just as important as his. If he’s not willing to make time in his schedule for you, you shouldn’t change your entire schedule to fit him in.
7. If he asks you out via text, feel free to say no through a text.
8. If you aren’t important enough for him to plan more than a day in advance for a date, you shouldn’t be going out with him at all.
9. A guy buying you something (food, drink, tickets) earns him a thank you, but nothing else. Don’t ever feel that it entitles him to anything else.
10. If you reward bad behavior with good results (i.e. agreeing to additional dates, putting out etc), he’ll never improve.

Simply put, we’re all equal out there. You’re looking for love and so is he. You’re just as much of a catch as he is (probably more, based on some of the insane guys I’ve been hearing about lately). I’ve heard some women in their late 30s making excuses for the guys they’ve gone out with feeling that the pool for single guys interested in 30+ women is getting smaller and smaller. Well, if your goal is not to be home on a Saturday night, feel free to settle all you want. But if you’re looking for someone long term, settling in the short term is guaranteed to just cause more pain, annoyance and troubles down the road. You’re a quality person and still single, that means there are quality guys out there who are still single too. You’ll find him, but only if you first respect yourself.

DatingRevolution.com, democratizing the online dating industry. Power to the Daters!^TM

You just got home from a great first date with a new guy. He didn’t give you any of the usual brush off signs (i.e. a hand shake, a “it was nice meeting you”, and he didn’t run screaming). He actually gave you a peck on the cheek and said he’d give you a call.

If he extended his hand and/or said “It was nice meeting you” without any other modifiers, there’s a 90% chance you won’t be hearing from him. It’s basically code for, I didn’t feel the need to abandon you mid-date, but I’m just not interested in seeing you again. Don’t stress out, trust me, there are other guys out there who will be a far better match for you. By the way, this is the PERFECT time to remind you that you shouldn’t lead the guy on either. If you’re not interested in going out with him, I know it’s tough, but extend your hand and offer a handshake instead of a kiss or a hug. That’s the guy’s way of knowing (or at least they SHOULD know) that you aren’t interested in them.

But of course, that didn’t happen, because you’re awesome. The end of the date went smoothly, he said he’d call, and now you’re wondering what will happen next. Well, there are two main schools of thought, wait for him to contact you or you can contact him.

In terms of contacting him, many women I’ve talked with have said that they typically follow up a first date with a text or an email thanking him for the coffee/dessert/dinner/etc. Do not write War and Peace, just a quick two line email. The purpose of that email is twofold: 1) you’re being polite which is always appreciated and 2) you’re making it easier for him to contact you. Instead of wondering how the first date went, he now knows that he has a warm audience and should definitely contact you. Some women will go as far as to ask him out on the second date. Now I don’t advocate going overly demure if that’s not in your personality, but seriously, most women want the guy to man up and see what he’s really made of. If you make the move and ask him out on the second date, you’ll never know what he’s made of. If you want to be bold, ask him out for the fourth or fifth date.

Many women just wait around for him to call, text or email. As I’ve said in other blogs, I’m not a big fan of the guy following up by text, or email, unless you specifically know that he’s going to have no time at all for a phone call, or he keeps odd hours.  Generally speaking, I recommend that he call. It doesn’t have to be a long call, but it’s one where he should 1) mention that he had a good time on the date 2) and set forth a suggestion or two about when you two can have date number two.

My suggestions to the women would be as follows: 1) Have an idea of when you might be available for said date, 2) Don’t play games – if you want to go back out with him, just do it and 3) Don’t let him establish a pattern of only texting (even if you’re under 25).  If he texts you and asks you out for a second date, feel free to reply by saying something like “Great to hear from you, give me a call so we can plan that date.” A reader recently told me about a situation with a 35+ year old guy that just kept texting.  What should you do? Read the above, and break the cycle early.  Texting has its places, but asking a woman out on a 2nd, 3rd or 4th date should not be by text.

Here are two other games that should be ended to help improve dating for everyone.

The call back game:
The guy called and got her voicemail. Some women won’t play games and will just return the phone call as soon as they can.  Other women decide to get some revenge and will hold off a bit and then call him back. Just like I’ve said to the guys, this is passive / aggressive behavior, and there’s too much of this from both sides when it comes to dating. If you want to call him, CALL HIM. Life should be just that simple. Mind you, if you call and get his voicemail, just leave a message, don’t hang up and try to call back seven more times until you get actually get him on the phone.

I’m busy this week game:
Look, for my fellow New Yorkers out there, I get the fact that you’re busy, we all are. But you’re going to have to make time for dating sooner or later. So, if he calls you for a date on Thursday and you can’t make it, that’s ok. But if you actually want to see him, help him out. We’re used to getting rejected and often won’t try a second time.  What I would suggest is say “I’m sorry but I can’t make it that night, however, I could do it, next Tuesday.” In a sentence this instantly lets the guy know that you ARE interested, but that night just didn’t fit into your schedule.
Hope these suggestions are helpful.  Please let me know what you think, or other topics you might like me to cover.

DatingRevolution.com, democratizing the online dating industry. Power to the Daters!^TM

So guys, you just had a great date last night, sealed with a peck on her cheek and a promise to call her. So, the real question now is "What the hell are you waiting for?" Ok, so it’s not the only question, but it’s one that BOTH men and women have been failing at for a while. But neither gender owns all of the guilt or fault with what often does or doesn’t happen next. Hopefully, this post can make a bit of a dent in the problem, because if you can’t get to the second date, your chances of a future with them are nil.

Now, I will make a few caveats here (before the hate mail starts):

1. I am not talking about YOU but a generalization of other members of your gender. Of course you personally are evolved, open minded and perfect.
2. I will refer to interactions within this post between men and women. Please don’t read anything into this; I’m simply writing about what I know, as opposed to giving bad advice for same sex couples. If someone else would like to educate me on the dynamics, I’m all ears. I want EVERYONE to find happiness, a happiness defined by them and them alone.
3. This post is mainly for the guys. A second post will be done for the women in the next few days.

I think a few different things caused this conundrum, and all of it could be solved. We could have world peace too, but I wouldn’t hold my breath. So let’s start with what we can control. Guys often think that they have to wait three days to call her. There are misconceptions about seeming over eager, wanting to appear aloof and other similar ridiculous thoughts. It’s simple, call the next day. If you really had that good of a time, all waiting does is put negative thoughts into her head, and often makes her start reanalyzing how the date went. Trust me, this never works in your favor. Equally true, the sooner you call her, the sooner you can see her again. And finally, if she really plays those games, she isn’t worth it. Those games might sound fun at first, but they will bite you in the ass harder than a rabid pit bull, it’s just a matter of when not if.

Now, on the topic of the proper things to do, pick up the phone and call. Texting, while cute and convenient is also lazy and disrespectful. I recognize that it’s the de facto standard for many under 25, and even to many under 30. But dating is about standing out above the pack. If every other guy is texting her to say they had a nice time and want to go out again, think of how much better you look when you take five minutes to call.

Next, have a plan before you call. You’re calling her because you want to see her again. Have a date or two in mind that would work for you. It would also be preferable if you had an idea or two for the next date, but that’s just extra credit.

When you call her, (since you agreed that texting is a bad idea) thank her for a nice evening, and invite her out for the next date. This is when knowing your schedule is great. Suggest a date, but be open in case your plans don’t match hers. Plan a tentative date, do your research if you don’t already have an exact place in mind. Then follow up with a phone call to suggest the place and time.  (For more info check out my previous blog on setting up a date)

While simple tips, many men fail these simple steps. Don’t be that failure; leave that to the other guy.

DatingRevolution.com, democratizing the online dating industry. Power to the Daters!^TM

A bit overdramatic, but if you’re over 25, neither texting nor tweeting should play a large role in the growth and progression of your relationship.  (I’m not sure if it has a place in the under 25 market either, but I haven’t been that young in ages, I’ll leave that discussion to someone more qualified).

Planning a date: (see other date planning tips at “Be a Man” posted a few days ago )
You’re about to tell someone that you want to spend somewhere between one and four hours with them.  Have the courtesy, regardless of which gender you are, to pick up a phone and make a call. Yes, I said the phone, not email, a text, a tweet, a Facebook note, or any other technological method of avoiding a conversation.  Now I know you’re busy, and I’m sure your date is too.  But taking 5 minutes to call up and say, “Hi, are you available for a date on Thursday night” isn’t too much.  And if it is, you really don’t have time to date. Now, if you two start trading voicemails, feel free to switch to email or texting, but at least make the effort to ask the person out in the proper fashion.

Post date texting:
You had a great time? Well, so did she. So don’t mess it up by telling her that in a text.  But, I will say this – if he texts you to say he had a great time and wants to see you again, feel free to reply by text “Sorry, I don’t think it’s a good match” if you aren’t interested.

Proper use of texting and dating:
1)    You’ve already called her and planned a date for Thursday night.  Texting to say “Can we meet up at 8:30 PM at ________” is perfectly acceptable.
2)    Although you would of course plan to be on time, if a meteor landed on your car, or King Kong came back to New York, feel free to text that you’ll be a bit late.
3)    I got to the restaurant early and it appears that even with my reservation we’ll have to wait 30-45 minutes, should we try a different place?

Those are all wonderful uses of your text plan.  The point, early on in a relationship, a personal touch will truly set you apart from other daters.  Plus, if you’re really interested in the person, it really shouldn’t be so painful to have that quick call, should it?

As for texting for a booty call – I’m not going to even touch that with a 10 ft pole.

Caveat: If both of you work crazy hours and are typically unavailable to ever talk at the same time then email or perhaps texting should be used.  But let’s be honest, how are you ever going to see each other anyway if you’re that busy.