Ironic as it sounds, this is one of the biggest issues in my opinion with online dating and dating in general. Too many daters feel that they have to play a persona since for some reason who they are, isn't a good enough draw for a potential partner. Here are a couple of different scenarios in which this can play out.
The Type A woman:
Dana is a lawyer or investment banker by day, or just is generally very self confident and comfortable in her skin. She wants a relationship of equals but she’s afraid that if she acts as herself, she might scare off guys. So, for her first few dates, she dials her personality back a few notches, acts a bit more demure. Date four comes around, and the real her either sneaks out, or she decides it’s time. The guy runs screaming.
Why is this bad? 1) Some men prefer women who are self confident, self assured and such. If Dana went out with one of those guys, she wouldn’t get a second date. Why? Because she came across as a passive and demure woman, where the guy wanted someone with a bit more fire. 2) If the guy can’t handle a woman like Dana, why should Dana want him? It’s simply not a good match, and instead of figuring that out on date 1, instead they won’t figure it out until date 4 when the true Dana shows through.
The Player:
Jake assumes that women all want relationships and that women can’t be players. He decides to act like “the nice guy” figuring it’s the only way to get what he’s looking for. Sooner or later though, his real side comes out, and of course, the sparks fly, and not in a good way.
Why is this bad? 1) By being the non-player, Jake will certainly turn off any women who are looking for something a bit more casual. 2) It’s certainly not fair to the women who are looking for a solid relationship.
The Nice Guy:
How many times have you heard about John, the sweet guy, that women all want to be friends with, but who always seems to have trouble making the conversion from friend to girlfriend. So, after much chiding from his male friends (and possible some of his female friends) he’s decided to act tougher, be more of a player. Having been in his shoes for more years than I care to admit, this is not the solution.
Why is this bad? By now I’m guessing you’re sensing the trend. One way or another they’re going to figure you out. It’s doubtful that it’ll turn out well for you.
In short, I could probably come up with 7-8 other similar scenarios, but they all end the same way 90% of the time, badly. I’m not suggesting for the moment that we’re all perfect. We all have our strengths and our flaws, and elements of our personality that could use improvement. What I’m suggesting though is stay within who you are at all times. Either your date will really like the REAL you, or you’ll find out sooner rather than later that the two of you aren’t a good match.
So, unless you’re really desperate to get out of the house for the evening, be yourself! It’ll save both of you a lot of time. Just think of how badly it would suck to lose someone who wanted you for YOU because you decided that you wanted to act like someone else instead.
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