Before you start with the hate mail, this isn’t about being sexist, anti-women’s lib or anything like that. It’s about stepping up to the plate and showing that you’re interested. I don’t actually care if you’re male, female or an alien, if you ask someone out on the date, it’s YOUR responsibility to at least make an attempt at planning a date. Now typically, there are more men asking women out than vice versa (that’s a topic for another blog), so MEN, grow a pair, do a bit of research and plan a proper first date (or any date for that matter).
Now, I know that dinner is no longer a popular first date activity. In fact, 99.44% of the time it’s a HORRIBLE first date activity. But that doesn’t mean that planning goes out the window. There are so many fantastic first date activities in every major city. So before you decide to just drag your date to the nearest pub, how about doing a little work and make the date memorable.
Step 1: Do some research
In this day in age with tools like Citysearch, Yelp, Foursquare and yes, even Facebook, there’s no excuse that you can’t find a good place to have a first date. Check out her profile (don’t just look at the pictures) and see if you can find some clues about what type of venue she might like. Oh, and if you REALLY can’t find something, ask a friend, you do have friends, right? But, if you’re really going to an area that you’ve never been to, do the online research and then come clean and say “I’ve found a possible place, but I’ve never been to your neighborhood. Is that an acceptable place, or do you have a better recommendation.” Never go in without a plan.
Step 2: Be a mensch
For those who don’t speak Yiddish, a mensch means a good person. There are several ways to do this. One: Don’t make her travel to the end of the earth to see you. Try to plan a date local to her (either work or home) to make it easier for her. There are only a few exceptions: A truly one of a kind place would be an example of this. Two: Don’t TELL her where you’re going. Make it a suggestion and offer options. “I’d love to meet up Thursday night at 9PM. I found two places near you (insert places) that I think you might like, but I’m open to other options if you know of a better place.”
Step 3: Call to confirm
Yes, I know, you set the date up a week in advance. You even took the time to research a place, and set a definite date and time. However, the longer you set up the date in advance, the better it is to confirm it. It will also cut down on being stood up. The day before, call her, or email if you have to. Unless you’re under 25 try to avoid the texting. Confirm the place and time and that you’re looking forward to the date.
These all seem very simple, and they should be second nature. But unfortunately, in this fast paced world, these minimal niceties get ignored and can adversely impact a first date before it happens. Give yourself the best chance possible at a second date.
Step 4: Be on time (added on 10/28/09, courtesy of Lost Plum):
I should have added this on my own, but I'm more than happy to add it, as being late is truly a great way to make a HORRIBLE first impression. In my mind, 5 minutes early is on time, on time is late. As the guy, it's nice for you to be there ahead of time possibly to find seats, or just to show that this is important to you. With all of the technology these days available to you, there's no excuse to show up late baring something ridiculous (train gets stuck in the tunnel for 30 minutes).
Coming soon: What to do at the end of the date.
Special thanks to Susan for correcting my spelling on "mensch"
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