Pure Insanity = Dating the same way and expecting new results

Dating the same way and expecting new results, Santa bought me my new laptop, and other fantasies. Seriously, by the time you’ve hit 30 (in NYC, it’s more like 25) you feel like you know what you’re doing when it comes to dating. You might not have any of the right answers, but you feel like you do, and regardless, you’re happy with what you’re doing. But somehow, it just isn’t working out. Whether you’re meeting the wrong person, going out on yet another 3rd date that you realized you shouldn’t have gone on, or just meeting no one at all, something is wrong.

Let me ask the question simply: If you roll a bowling ball 100 times and it goes into the gutter every time, you’d realize you’re doing something wrong. In fact, it probably will only take you 5 throws to realize you’re doing something wrong. So why don’t people realize it when it comes to dating.

It’s simple: Bowling doesn’t matter, dating however, is all about emotions, perception and other “fuzzy” things. Changing what you’re doing means taking some personal responsibility, and that can often feel very uncomfortable.

It’s ok to make mistakes. But this is 2010. If we’re going to make mistakes, let’s make brand new ones, and give us a chance to improve and hopefully make it a wonderful year dating-wise. Here is a top 10 list of things I’d like you to at least consider working on for 2010.

1. Be yourself (If you act like someone you’re not, you’re sabotaging yourself)
2. Trust your gut (You’ve dated enough to know when something isn’t right. When it feels wrong, get out).
3. Respect – you deserve it (If you act respectfully and appropriately, you should be treated with respect. If you aren’t, get out.)
4. Respect – you should give it (True, respect should be earned, but they’re so much respect that is just basic human kindness that should always be granted. If you can’t bother, you shouldn’t be dating.)
5. Take dating seriously (Dating is tough, especially since emotions are involved. If someone has taken the time to go out with you, give them your full attention. If you aren’t interested, let them know you’d rather not go out again.)
6. Online dating is a job, not a hobby (If you get emails, reply to them. Obviously though, if the person cuts and pastes and intro letter to you, feel free to ignore it, or even call them on it. Maybe they’ll learn to be more careful in the future.)
7. Honesty is important (We all have flaws. Someone will find your flaws endearing. But starting off a relationship with a lie is only going to blow up in your face later on. Be honest NOW.)
8. You get out what you put in (If you keep dating 5 or 6 people at a time, going out with each only 2 times a month, you’re never going to get anywhere. Focus on the best prospects, see them a few times over a few weeks, and you’ll know sooner rather than later if they’re right for you.)
9. Have fun (If you’re happy, you’ll be more attractive and approachable to those who might be interested.)
10. Take breaks (If you’re unhappy, I can almost guarantee you won’t find a good partner. If you’re feeling jaded, or assuming every date is going to be rotten, maybe it’s time for you to take some time off from dating and wait until you’re in a happier place.)

Over the coming weeks I’m going to elaborate on each of these topics and what can be done to improve your dating outlook. I look forward to your comments.